Milspouse Editorial Page

The USO is one of our greatest privileges

by: untiltheyallcomehome

Thu Jul 02, 2009 at 12:26:01 PM EDT

My "Space A" adventure turned into buying commercial plane tickets home when I failed to make a few flights back to Europe because there were too many people and not enough seats. So here I am, in the Charlotte airport, upstairs in the terminal at their USO.
It's very nice here. I'm relaxing in a rocking chair while my kids play with left-behind toys and watch a movie. I checked in for my flight 3 hours before it was scheduled to leave because I had to have my rental car back by 10 AM, so as I was standing in line at Pizza Hut, getting ready to drop about $30 on a meal, when this older gentlemen standing next to me noticed the ID card in my hand and said "We have food upstairs, as well as Internet, TV and COFFEE!" All I heard was coffee, really. Everything else was mumbo-jumbo. I have been up since 5 AM and it took us about 3 hours to drive from my dad's house to the airport.
Everyone in this USO is friendly. Every worker has stopped by to say that if there is a book or stuffed animal that my girls like, they are welcome to take them home with them. Now, the last thing they need is another animal (I actually had to argue my way out of 5 different stuffed animals before they settled on the smallest one they had acquired while in the states.) But still- I have to say, I've been in a few different USO's around the United States and they have all been just wonderful. THey seem to love their jobs and all they want to do is make sure you're comfortable while in their place.

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not even in the military yet hating the chain of command

by: jenv

Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 19:56:29 PM EDT

(Thank you for being so open about what you're going through. You are not alone. - promoted by untiltheyallcomehome)

As some of you have read my husband is active duty even though the chain of command does nothing to me directly they kind of do when they do mean things to my husband. 4th brigade has terrible leadership. The sgt.major and the rest of the command do not like my husband at all they try to keep him in trouble any way they can they find the most rediculous things to get at him it is coming to the point of rediculous now he has not been able to take leave for a year and they are still denying him the opportunity to take leave and they dont say no in a civil way either. It makes me sad to know how much i hate the army at this point for all the things they do to my husband and for all the mental problems he has from being in the army and they take absolutely no respondsiblity for any of it sorry just had to vent

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The Space A Adventure

by: untiltheyallcomehome

Fri Jun 26, 2009 at 18:50:44 PM EDT

I got handed the reigns to this website just in time to begin my journey back across the seas to Germany, where my husband has been lovingly taking care of our apartment and our furry children while I got to eat at Arby's and go on vacation! YEAH RIGHT!! Not about taking over the site, but about my husband enjoying being left alone for the last month.
Space A is a privilege, Space A is a privilege- not a RIGHT, so I have to remember that when I get frustrated about traveling by myself without my sponsor which makes me a Category 5. This summer is going to be the busiest travel season yet on the Space A airwaves some people are saying. I imagine with the faltering economy and high gas prices, many people are flocking to Baltimore and Dover and McGuire in the hopes of catching a free ride overseas.
Unfortunately for me, this is making my life harder. I'm not angry or anything, just FRUSTRATED. Did I mention that I've got 2 little girls who are on the verge of being auctioned off for their lovely behavior amidst my crisis of not being able to get on a flight back to Germany??
It's just a busy summer and if I don't leave soon, I may pull my hair out. So if you hear about a bald lady trying to sell her kids at the airport, know that it was probably me :)

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And the Red Tape & Bureaucracy Go On & On!!!

by: madmaggie

Mon Jun 08, 2009 at 00:20:41 AM EDT

( - promoted by DonQuixote)

Some of you have read my story. Well, actually it is my spouse's story. But it gets worse. Bought a brand new car about 4 weeks ago. Great, Yes? No I'm afraid. About 5 days later, my ex-marine took a Grand Mal seizure on our living room floor. Had him rushed to VA. They dismissed the episode & said I was not a viable witness for a seizure. Same story I got 4 years ago. He was released from ER after about 8 hrs to my care even though everyone with an ounce of mentality could tell the man was not in his rightful mind. He went into a manic like state for 2 days, before he decided to take the car...against my wishes. But, he got belligerent with me & left. He called me at 8:30 pm & said he was on his way home...a ride which should have taken 10 minutes. I fell asleep on the floor waiting for him. The next morning,I called the police and filed a missing person's report. He was found in a town about 2 hours from our house, only because he almost caused an accident. He was taken to ER in a hospital in that area. I called VA to try to get him 302'ed for his own safety & safety of others on the road. VA referred me to The County Mental Health who denied my request saying he was not harmful to himself or others. WTF?

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You've got a voice. Please share it with us.

by: untiltheyallcomehome

Mon Jun 08, 2009 at 08:05:54 AM EDT

I'm looking to recruit new members. I am looking for new bloggers who want to write monthly, weekly, or even bi-weekly blogs. Being a military spouse is time consuming, but we also have a wealth of information that we can pull out of our everyday lives to help other people.
Remember when you were a brand-new Army, Air Force, Navy or Marine wife (or husband- I don't want to exclude ANYONE!!!) and you were sitting there going "What does LES mean?" or "How am I supposed to know where the ACS building at Fort Hood is?" This happens on a daily basis in all military communities. You might think that you have nothing to say, but at the same time I know you have a thousand things to say.
Deployments. Moves. Marital issues. Kid issues. Pet issues. Dealing with reunions and R and R's. Everyone has questions. I want us to start to offer some answers, or just experiences.
I'm also open to the idea of having someone come on who offers tips on food shopping, or new recipes, or a cleaning product you want to talk about. We are WIVES and HUSBANDS and whether you have a full time job or you're a stay-at home parent, you DO have a voice. And we want to hear it.
I'm new to this. Not to the milspouse life, but to trying to build a solid foundation of information that I would like to see change on a daily basis. Let me know what you want to see happen here and I'll do my best to get it on here.
If you have an active duty spouse or retired one even- I want to invite them to join as well. We can get a firsthand look at the OTHER side, the side that earned us our job titles in the first place. You don't have to BE a writer to come here. There is no judgment on content or grammar. We want to refrain from extreme profanity and extreme religious or political views. But you are still welcome to your opinion.
Any and all interested are welcome. Create a profile and start writing. I look forward to seeing what you have to say.

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A change is coming!!

by: untiltheyallcomehome

Thu Jun 04, 2009 at 19:41:58 PM EDT

I just wanted to write a quick note to let everyone know that I will be taking over here on Military Spouse Press. I've been a military spouse for 5 years now. I look forward to opening this board up and getting regular contributing editors. I can be reached at militaryspousepress@hotmail.com. Please contact me if you have any ideas or questions!! I will be posting a more lengthy blog once I get a better idea of some changes I will be making.
Spread the word. Change is coming and I need you.
So calling all Military Spouses...I WANT YOU!!!

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New leadership NEEDED for milspousepress

by: DonQuixote

Sat May 16, 2009 at 23:04:40 PM EDT

I am interested in GIVING this website to any milspouse who is interested in taking it over.

All major expenses have been taken care of for establishing a website and I would completely turn over ownership of the site and the domain name. I would also be willing to help train on the programming of the site and be available in the future for assistance.

This site needs a military spouse (I am not) who is interested, dedicated, responsible, willing and able to give the site the time and energy needed to make it live up to it's potential value to the milspouse community.

If you are interested contact me via my email on my profile.

I hope someone is up to this task because if not I am not going to renew the monthly membership with soapblox due in mid-June.

This site could be a very valuable tool and resource for the milspouse community if cultivated and nurtured correctly.

Tom.

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Late....Again.

by: untiltheyallcomehome

Tue Apr 14, 2009 at 11:54:38 AM EDT

I knew that the Army ran on its own schedule when my husband signed up almost 5 years ago. I expected him to be late for dinner, or sometimes not make it home at all. So why do I still get so damned upset when he calls to say he's going to be late? Well, today I have one reason.
He's in a unit that does flying for some VIP's. I understand that while not everyone sits down to dinner at 5 pm sharp- but I do know that my husband doesn't enjoy getting in around 8 or 9 at night and having to stick his dinner in the microwave night after night. I'm constantly hearing the excuse that "Well, so and so was late" because then guess what? That means another late night for him.
And since I can't yell at those people- guess who bears the brunt of my wrath?

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Missing my husband when he's already home..is it ptsd? where do i go for help?

by: jessdm1223

Sun Mar 29, 2009 at 19:25:40 PM EDT

( - promoted by DonQuixote)

My husband was deployed in Iraq for 14 months he came home the 2nd week of December, about 4 months ago. I was so ecstatic to have him home after being without him for over a year. He had mood swings while he was deployed and since I was the only one he had the most contact with out of his family I guess I was the one he took most of his stress out on. I have no idea what happened over there, what he saw, or what he did, but I tried to be more than understanding and blame his anger on the situation, telling myself I didn't know what he was going through, but I knew I had to be there for him. Now that he's home, I feel like I lost my husband in Iraq and this person is a stranger. He doesn't come home after work until late at night, he doesn't talk to me, he doesn't answer my calls and when he is home he is very distant. He often sleeps on the couch and it seems he is uncomfortable being around me or showing affection. we started marriage counseling about a month ago, but that has shown little improvement on the situation. In counseling everything seems great and things will work, but once we are home everything stays the same. I've tried to find help, I've talked to the chaplain, my husband's SGT, our counselor, and anyone I could think of that might be able to help. What I am beginning to understand is that there really isn't significant help for people in our situation and although he is home and healthy and wasn't physically wounded in war, he lost who he was there. I gave the greatest contribution of my life to this war; the love of my life, and there isn't anyone willing to help me get him back.

About 2 weeks ago we hit rock bottom...I couldn't take him lying to me anymore; telling me he was at work late when really he was at his friend's house and when he did come home he busied himself with everything else and distanced himself from family life or any kind of affection or intamcy with me. After 4 months of being alone, crying, depression, trying to understand but not being abe to I finally told him if things didn't change soon I was going home because I couldn't take the lonliness anymore. He told me to leave....and today here I am...700 miles away from him. I've been home for a week and he wont answer my calls or texts ..it's like he doesn't care that I'm gone...I miss him so much...I want my husband back. I was searching google just now for anyone who might be able to help me and I found this site. I don't know if I will find help here or if there is help for my situation, but atleast I found somewhere that I can tell my story and maybe someone can relate.

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Congressman calls for mandatory TSP enrollment

by: inSANEmom

Thu Apr 02, 2009 at 10:07:25 AM EDT

My husband received an interesting email at work yesterday. I couldn't believe my ears when he read it to me. Here is an article about what his email said...

Congressman calls for mandatory TSP enrollment
By Rick Maze - Staff writer
Posted : Tuesday Mar 10, 2009 17:02:50 EDT
To pay for a government smoking prevention bill, Rep. Henry Waxman, D-Calif., wants all government employees to be required to enroll in the Thrift Savings Program - including all service members.
Continued below the fold...

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A desperate need for assistance for a tremendous PTSD advocate

by: DonQuixote

Thu Mar 26, 2009 at 10:52:05 AM EDT

Posted by Don Quixote on behalf of Namguardianangel

In all of this with PTSD, I have no power and cannot get members of congress or the DOD to listen to me. I argue with the VA all the time but they won't listen. I am a member of NAMI on the Veterans Council and I can't get them to listen. I'm on Military Spouses of America board of directors but they won't listen either.

I've been working with veterans suffering from PTSD since 1982. In all these years, I've learned more talking to them, listening to them, than I have learned doing research. Aside from living with my husband all these year, I have an insight few others have. There isn't much I don't know about PTSD but there is too much I don't know about self-promoting. Even if I knew how to do it, I simply don't have the time to invest because of all the hours I put in with the veterans now and tracking PTSD reports around the country and internationally. I have veterans coming to be from 6 nations. Because of this I'm also contacted by police officers and firefighters.

I am in desperate need of help from all the people I know so that I can get the people with the power to do something for our veterans to at least listen to what I know. I cannot use the people I help because all of their communications with me are held in private, so no one really knows what I do. That's why your help is vital to the work I do. Can you post what I wrote? Keep in mind that I am sending this out to several different groups, so your site won't be the only one with it. Please let me know if you can post it up. I really need your help on this. We're loosing too many of them because too many people with the power are looking in the wrong direction.

Discuss :: (1 Comments)

There is help for our soldiers

by: dstpandibt

Tue Mar 10, 2009 at 19:51:57 PM EDT

( - promoted by DonQuixote)

My husband has ptsd, tbi and some other injuries and IS getting help. By no means am I saying it's been easy. But, I believe the help is there if your soldier wants it and the spouse or parents help. My husband came back without the ability to do routine household chores, and everything else that goes along with ptsd and tbi. It took us 3 months to get him into neurology for his initial diagnosis, 6 months to get into cognitive therapy rehabilitation, and 8 months to get into ptsd group therapy. Every day after he returned home from Iraq I asked him if he got his appointments made, called him at work every day so he would REMEMBER to call and get into all these classes and doc. appointments. In the meantime we developed our own therapies to help him remember things and to help him out of his flashbacks. We had hand signals, codes and a bunch of other coping mechanisms so he could lead a functional life until he got into all of those classes and therapies. We are stationed at Ft Hood and the help is there if you work to get it. Our life is not the same as it was. I am now his advocate to everything he does. I watch him like a hawk and if he makes bad choices he has to deal with the consequences like anyone else. I am there make sure no one takes advantage of him. It's hard work and I feel like I want to leave and start over. But I'm hoping he will develop more emotions and feelings. That is our next hurdle. I have learned both soldier and spouse have to work like a fine tuned engine to beat these injuries. My husband is better, he doesn't drink or go awol. His flashbacks and nightmares are under control. He's gotten both mental and physical help for his injuries. There is hope and they can get better.

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The weight of our sacrifice

by: untiltheyallcomehome

Thu Mar 12, 2009 at 02:23:33 AM EDT

I was looking around online today at potential freelance writing jobs. I came across a certain website that advertises positions for various communication outlets- and I saw one that was listed from the college I graduated from. It was a Grad Assistant position for this project that I worked on when I was in school there. They're offering to pay for grad school and giving a small stipend (around $6000) in exchange for working on this project, doing research on wrongfully accused inmates who are currently serving jail time.
This may sound kind of strange- but I lost it. It was as if a dam had opened up behind my eyes. Why would this make me cry you might ask? Because 6 years ago when I graduated I had a heavy hand in a story that was published in a major newspaper. I had a byline. I pored 3 semesters of school into the project and 6 years ago I would have given my left foot to continue the work as a grad assistant, while they paid for me to go to school.
I do not regret my life. But sometimes I feel the heavy weight of the sacrifice I have made. I know that while I may be able to find work as a freelance journalist- I probably won't ever be able to be involved in the kind of things I was doing while I was in college. After sort of aimlessly going through my journalism classes, I definitely thought I'd found my niche in the world of investigative journalism. It was deeper, it was more involved- it was wonderful. By the time I graduated from college, I was looking around for internships across the country that would have helped advance my dream career of doing this for a living.
But fate intervened. I became pregnant with our first daughter shortly before I received my diploma bearing a Bachelor of Arts accreditation. And within a year of that event- my husband had joined the Army and was on his way to flight school. Life seemed to fast forward and my own dreams of becoming a reporter seemed to get lost along the way.
They had told me all through school that it would be difficult to have a family if you were "serious about journalism" because it could be so extremely time consuming. What I know now is that it COULD have happened. But as long as I'm moving every few years, establishing myself at a newspaper and working my way through the ranks isn't going to happen for me.
Do I sound bitter? Yesterday I was. Today I'm more reflective- today I realize that while the job I currently have may not be what I always wanted, there is still time for me to find something for myself. I'm not sure what it is yet, but I'm becoming more and more determined to find it.
The weight of our sacrifice is almost unbearable at times, but other times I hardly notice. Not all military spouses feel this way and like I mentioned before, I'm not regretful. I'm anxious for something in my life to change that allows me to be a supportive wife and mother, but also an accomplished one.

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Dealing with ptsd and a upcoming deployment

by: jenv

Thu Mar 05, 2009 at 09:54:44 AM EST

( - promoted by DonQuixote)

Sometimes, I really believe the army does not care to get at least my soldier help. My husband was on a 15 month deployment to Iraq and has been home a year which has been like an emotional roller coaster after seeking help for six months they have just diagnosed him with ptsd, I had to go raise hell with the hospital because they give him medication but DO I REPEAT DO NOT address any of the problems he has at first i was unsure if he was telling them anything at all but I do believe he was intendtionally leaving things out, Thsi doctor told me that he is not the same person and its common for them to do somethings and i should just except it well the hell with that they broke him why dont they fix him they dont have to live with him i do and NORMAL people do not do what he does, I told them he has a drinking problem and I forced the issue but ASAP says he has no drinking problem dont they know the first signs is denial. Now they are about five months from another deployment i do not understand how they can send him again when they havent fixed the problems from the first deployment.

Discuss :: (2 Comments)

"Holding On"

by: jimstaro

Fri Feb 20, 2009 at 07:28:59 AM EST

( - promoted by DonQuixote)

Joy's original thought was that it was a song for mothers of challenged children, particularly single moms, like her. While in the process of getting the music transcribed on the computer in June of '07, it occurred to her that it also might appeal to the wives and mothers of veterans returning from war with TBI and PTSD.

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Maybe we need our own maps?

by: untiltheyallcomehome

Fri Feb 20, 2009 at 00:43:36 AM EST

Lately I've been feeling pretty lonely. You know that thing that goes on inside of you when you are just kind of THERE without being there? That's how I am right now. I see things changing all around me- my girls are getting older, my dog is starting to turn gray around her nose, my hair has grown another several inches since the last time I thought that I desperately needed it trimmed.
I read the paper every day, looking for something to jump out at me, to connect with me. I feel lost- unsure about what I want to do with MY life. I love being a military wife and yet I feel stuck sometimes. I think about going back to school- but I graduated from college almost 6 years ago and I'm not sure I'm ready to go back. I feel that what I need is some experience- but I just don't know what I want to do. I go back and forth between wanting more of a life for myself and at the same time, not wanting my girls to be raised by someone else. I am not a selfish person. I'm just weary, I guess you would say. Sometimes I feel lost within the role of being a milspouse- I'm here to be the constant support my husband needs- but at the same time, I feel like I'm not being true to myself at the same time.
Letting go of independence and leaning on my husband since his return from the war has been difficult for me. And in the back of my mind, I know that he could still go back and at any given moment, he might not come home and where would I be then? The recent deaths of those pilots has gotten to me. We knew one of those guys- he used to sit on my couch and ride to PT with my husband during flight school.
I feel like I need a better hand on things and I'm just not sure how to do it. I want more, I'm just not sure how to get it.
I know that I will be all right, I'm just at a crossroads right now. And this has kept me from being able to come here and write- I always want to have something to say and some good point to make- but I'm struggling with that. But maybe you are too and this will help you see that you're not alone. It's easy to get lost when you're following along on someone else's map. Maybe what we need is to start over at a certain point with our own maps- our own plans. We are a new generation of military spouses- and what I'm looking for is how to embrace that without breaking years of traditional values and standards. I'm still looking for the tie between those two worlds- what we used to be and what we are now striving to be.

Discuss :: (2 Comments)

Haven't posted in a long time

by: madmaggie

Sat Feb 14, 2009 at 01:21:05 AM EST

( - promoted by DonQuixote)

I have a very dear friend who is a career soldier. That is the life he chose. He had been stationed in Iraq several years back. Now they have discovered that he suffers from PTSD...of course our government in their great wisdom decided that he can still be re-deployed. His PTSD is just a mild case. First he was going to Iraq, now they decided Afghanistan. My problem with this? Why are they sending him to a war zone with PTSD? Do they want to make sure that if and when he returns that his PTSD will be severe enough that they won't mind paying him benefits then? Makes no sense to me. Maybe they believe if he gets killed (God forbid) they won't have to pay for the affliction. And from what I have read, the military has reached more than their goal for volunteers due to the recession and job loss in the country. I'm totally lost on this, but nothing new. In my situation , I have been totally lost for years with the military and the V.A.

Discuss :: (2 Comments)

The Unmarried Soldier

by: LaDonna

Wed Feb 04, 2009 at 16:06:22 PM EST

I started thinking about something the other day. I miss making care packages for my husband. That was probably the most fun thing about a deployment, is the care and thought that you put into one of those care packages. Lord knows your soldier needs and appreciates them. It's just a little box containing reminders of home, pictures, letters, games, magazines... a connection with reality I guess you can say...

But what about the unmarried soldiers? There are so many soldiers out there that are single, maybe their parents are no longer with him/ her, their friends are too busy, and there really isn't anyone else.

I can't imagine what they go through. Some may argue that they have it easier because they didn't leave loved ones behind. I almost think it is harder. They are alone. Think about how lonely and sad it must be to not have that connection to home.

Now that I am blessed to have my soldier home, I think about all those soldiers that are still gone... and how hard it must be for them. I urge everyone to adopt a soldier or when you are sending a care package, include enough goodies for the other soldiers. Because not all of them are lucky enough to have loved ones back home praying for their safe return! God bless them all and give them strength to get through their deployments.

Discuss :: (1 Comments)

War? What War?

by: DonQuixote

Wed Jan 28, 2009 at 00:47:03 AM EST

Posted on MSP by Don Quixote for Aldonza (Carissa Picard)

I am beginning to wonder if the American public thinks former President Bush went ahead and brought home all 140,000 troops from Iraq as an inaugural gift for President Obama (you know, so Obama wouldn't have to trouble himself with it) or if they simply forgot we were still there. Then again, considering the precipitous drop in media coverage of the war in Iraq (the war in Afghanistan was always under-covered in my opinion), who knows what most Americans think is going on in Iraq now.

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When tragedy hits home

by: untiltheyallcomehome

Tue Jan 27, 2009 at 04:23:42 AM EST

Everywhere I look as I walk through our apartment, I see helicopters. Pictures, signs, die cast mini-models. I am reminded that at any time my husband gets into his Blackhawk- he might not come home. That may seem a little drastic, but my heart still doesn't stop its rapid beat until I know he's safely on the ground, even though right now he's mainly flying small, routine missions around Germany. He's not in Iraq or Afghanistan. He's home for now.
But our aviation world was rocked yesterday when we heard about the 2 helicopter's that collided in Iraq. I searched the Internet for updates every 5 minutes, trying to see what had happened, looking for any small piece of information I could. And at the same time, another crack was forming in my heart as I thought that 4 families had lost their soldiers.
Then this morning, when I caught wind of who one of those pilots was, I felt even worse. I've heard it said a million times since my husband became a pilot- that the aviation community is small. But until this accident occurred, I never really thought about HOW small it truly was. I didn't KNOW this one pilot personally, but I know of him because I had interacted with his wife on an online support board for aviation spouses.

There's More... :: (2 Comments, 242 words in story)

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